I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize