So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
