"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
