I hate your face
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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