JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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