Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
