my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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