She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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