So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
