I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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