What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize