He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
