he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
