My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
