just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
