the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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