mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize