i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
