I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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