I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
