Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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