he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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