Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's shark week go big or go home
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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