Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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