Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
