why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
