shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need to calm my uterus...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
