and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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