I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
