I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
