I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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