Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
