just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
