gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
