I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I looked at my own cervix.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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