If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
