Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
