If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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