Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
