We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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