i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Shame - the story of my life.
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