Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
