U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
