mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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