What did we do last night that was yellow?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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