Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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