just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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