all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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