wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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