Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
