If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
