her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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