my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
