So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
