you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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