I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
