I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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