i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
