My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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