So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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