I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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