He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
