What did we do last night that was yellow?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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