I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
