True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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