I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
