Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
