What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
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got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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