i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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