He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
